A conflict that I have experienced is with my youngest daughter. She is ten and is trying to spread her wings. We have a fire hydrant close to the house and the water department had it turned on; draining the water (they do this every so often). The conflict arose because my daughter enjoys playing in the water and I thought it was too cold for getting all wet. Just to kind of set the stage I was fighting a flu-like virus and I am still fighting the remains of this virus. It was in the low fifties here and the sun was still out. I told her that she could not play in the water and had to redirect her multiple times out of the water. She had a hard time understanding why she could not play in the water especially when the neighbor children were allowed to.
I could have been more compassionate by using The Center for Nonviolent Communication’s (NVC) model and demonstrated empathetically listening and honest expressing while redirecting. The three R’s would have been appropriate here as will. I should have listened to her side of the issue with an open mind and then explained my issue with her playing in the water instead of just saying it was too cold to play in the water. If I had followed these steps I would have demonstrated respect for my daughter’s view of the issue and might have been more open to maybe some play without getting wet.
Some help that I need is how to put a stop to the constant bickering of siblings. My son age 13 and my daughter age 10 are always at each other’s throats. They go as far as telling each other that they hate them. It is a constant battle. My son being three years older is constantly telling his father that he should have more privileges then his sister and maybe he should and in reality he does. However their chores around the house are the same and my son does not realize that with more privileges come more responsibilities (which he does not like). If you can help me come up with ideas to slow or stop the constant bickering in my household I would be grateful.
Thank you for your support!
References
The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/
Oh I wish how I could help you Luci! mY solution to bickering in my house is sitting them down on the couch and making them face each other and hold hands. It usually results in laughter after a few minutes and then the topic chnage to me being rediculas and crazy. Every so often I when my kids really get into it on a constant basis I suggest they either find a solution or I can help them find one on the couch. I know its not a NVC solution but it works in my house. Can you imagine my sixteen year old son holding hands with his five year old sister, it can be quite a sight!
ReplyDeleteHi Luci,
ReplyDeleteSkillfully working through a conflict would lead to better decision making, foster healthy debate and help the relationship grow stronger (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012). The conflict between your children reminds me of the one I used to have with my brother when we were young. Even we have said things like “I hate you” and “I wish you were never born into this family”. But I guess it is those conflicts that kept our relationship fun and exciting. According to the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, that which does not kill a relationship can indeed make it stronger (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p. 223).
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
Hi Luci! I enjoyed your post! I have a five year old who is very strong willed. I have a hard time remembering the 3 R's when she keeps pressing an issue and I have told her not to keep arguing. It is hard for me as a parent to not just sometimes say the answer is no because I said so! I agree that using these principles will help us!
ReplyDeleteKristi